Barry has been hoarding cans & bottles in his Kelmscott yard since Colin flagged the 10c refund scheme in 2016. Although, some would say he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life.
Like Joseph Can-y, he would enlist the help of his children to wage war on his neighbourhood. No recycling bin was safe from his lust for pre-slurped on gold. Over time, he began to wonder if the juice was worth the squeeze. He needed a bigger payload.
So naturally, he would attempt to strike deals with local sports clubs, schools and restaurants. Some were happy to let Barry take away their recycling while others had refunded riches on their mind too. This didn’t bode well with Barry.
Was Barry involved in the cutting of locks and raiding of recycling cages? Maybe, not that anyone would dare speak out against a man completely willing to dump a trailer load of manure on your premise if you snitched. He was Pablo Can-scobar and nothing would get in the way of his big payday.
He woke up early on the 1st of October. It was the first day of the Containers for Change program and he was keen to get in first. By Barry’s estimate, he should be a millionaire from his large trailer load of recyclables – although things aren’t always what they seem in this game.
Turns out Barry has failed to read any of the conditions of eligibility. Patient staff explain to him that only bottles marked with the 10c refund stamp could be accepted. Furthermore, they politely explain that liquor bottles and milk cartons were also ineligible.
Barry goes off like yester-week’s milk. He tells the “dogs” that he’ll be taking his treasure elsewhere and they can blow it out of their arse. He speeds off home to rage-rant at his misso. Although, she too is losing the plot like an M Night Shyamalan movie.
“BARRY, I just read on that Facebook group that all our drinks are marked up 10c for that stupid refund thing you’re doing!!”
Oof. Barry is struck down by a bolt of reality – “wait, so I pay 10c extra to get a 10c refund?” Barry’s bullshit speedometer is redlining. He tells his wife about how many of his hoarded bottles & cans were ineligible too.
They fire up the joint Facebook account to air some grievances. They are careful not to sound like massive brown stains,
“Look… all up for recylin BUT wat a scam! Jus a chance for shopps to mark up their cans and yeh yeh guess who PAYS for the recycli we shuld be living it up in exmouth now with the money OWED to me., fark this off, the missus can barely afford her coke happy wife happy life lol”
Barry finds many kindred spirits in the group who fail to see the point of the scheme is to balance the aims of providing an incentive to recycle with not incentivising buying more plastic.
Barry orders his kids to sort his rubbish into what is refundable or not and then dumps the rest of the waste in a vacant lot down the road. Recycling’s poster boy.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
