Back in My Day: Cruise Buffets

Running out of ways to complain while spending your kid’s inheritance? Perhaps you should consider the world of boomer cruising, just like we did!

Get There Early

We can’t stress this enough can we Denice. Get. There. Early. At least an hour. As soon as the plates hit the table they are fair game. There are so many cheap bastards on these cruises I tell ya what. I hate to say it, but the Asians especially go hard on the seafood. You gotta play them at their own game. The best stuff gets taken early. Prawns, oysters, scallops, It doesn’t get any better than the cruise buffet ey love.

Table Position

At our age you really got to make sure you are close to a toilet at all times. Barry is shocking! Every 5 minutes he’s complaining about his bladder. I keep telling him he should get a bag so he can enjoy the buffet more but he’s refused ever since Coles started charging 15c for them. You don’t want to sacrifice closeness to the buffet either, make sure you get prime position near the prawn cocktail tower.

Get Your Money’s Worth

I always tell Barry, make sure you fill up a few plates, then take some extras in case you get hungry later. You can’t let these vultures take advantage of your kind nature. Even if you don’t eat it all it’s free anyway! You can’t let things like “global warming” and “overfishing” stop you from getting a good feed. Plenty of fish in the sea as they say. The way I see it, you only YOLO once, you gotta enjoy yourself hehe.  Don’t fill yourself up on cheap rubbish like bread and rice in those ethnic curries either. Good Aussie seafood, roast meats and the exotic fruits are what you want. They say oysters are an aphrodisiac as well eyy Denice, that day I ate a dozen woahh, I tell ya what, I was full mast all night! Rogered Denice like she was the home ownership dreams of a millenial hehe


Oh I’ve always loved a cocktail haven’t I Barry? They are just so tasty. They are just so expensive on the mainland. I can’t help myself on these cruises, long island iced teas are just too good to pass up! I haven’t worked all my bloody life for some oriental boy to tell me I’ve had enough! I get a little frisky when I’m tipsy as well don’t I Barry. Oh Barry, let’s go back to our cabin, you need a snack…You’re a growing boy aren’t you, you’re always eating…me out hehe.  

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?