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5 Types of Anti-Maskers

Mung beans – a disciple of the church of Pete Evans that describes themselves as a “free thinker”. Typically spouts the kind of nonsense that has you wondering if they are actually smoking all those crystals in their zen caves. 

Masks are merely a symbol of western medicine. A system they reject due to the healing powers of turmeric enemas, bumhole sunning and yoga while Mercury is in retrograde. These are the true ways to combat a virus they don’t even really believe in. 

Karens – it’s amazing how these types had ample lung capacity to scream at a child for 15 minutes when they were told plastic bags were no longer free but can’t wear a face mask for the 5 minutes it takes to stock up on chicken ovenables. 

They don’t necessarily deny the existence of the virus but they feel any measure to fight it shouldn’t apply to them due to their contribution to society as a middle-aged super-breeder. 

Elites – with the benefit of education, the wealthy elite accepts the existence of the virus but consider it a problem for plebs. This view was strongly affirmed after reading about Patient 0’s whirlwind tour through suburbs they liken to downtown Damascus. 

Why should the 1% be denied the full joy of their fresh, affluent air at western suburb’s parks? Luckily, they have been self quarantining in said suburbs for the last 60 years so you can avoid them easily. 

Bogans – “yous can’t put a muzzle on me, ay”. Bogan anti-maskers have long had a chip on their shoulder about science due to the large words required to digest the important learnings. 

Plus doctors keep telling them that their steady diet of bush chooks, darts and 2 for 1 Whopper with cheese deals is “unhealthy”. So, what would they know? Plus their favourite Facebook group admin shared a very compelling rumour that masks don’t work. 

Full-blown hoaxers – the purebreds. They believe that the virus is delivered via 5G and was invented by big pharma to force vaccinations on us. Why? Well, as a cover for implanting microchips to ensure the enslavement of humanity to the new world order. 

Furthermore, the humble mask is just a beacon that the Government uses to dedicate which sheeple will be easiest to manipulate. They are about as stable as a drunk giraffe crossing to Rotto on a rough day.