AFP To Assist AEC By Sending Undercover Agents To Monitor Election Pencil Theft 

The AEC has given a stern warning to would-be election pencil thieves – you will be identified, you will be hounded to the ends of the earth and you will be brought to stationery-justice. 

The AEC has 4.5M pencils to give to 17M voters on the day and are well aware of the irresistible urge for voters to take a little keepsake on their way from the polls. So the AFP have been called in to provide some muscle. 

Head of Operation Sharpener told The Times,

“We will have agents blending in seamlessly with the electoral staff. Our message is clear anywhere, anytime, we’re watching you, ya little scum bag pencil thief”

However, the operation doesn’t simply end with undercover agents at the polls. Oh no. Given the election pencil selfie has almost surpassed the democracy sausage selfie, the feds have even more intel to go off. 

An AFP pencil agent told The Times,

“Lot of people see uploading an election pencil snap to their socials to be a pretty harmless little folly. Well, we’ll see how harmless you think it is when we have your Passport seized and your front door kicked in. Don’t try us”

Not everyone is concerned with the threat however. With serial election pencil thief and general scofflaw telling The Times,

“Hearing about the sting operation just makes me want to take the pencil more. It’s my naughty little wooden forbidden fruit. I’ll post it to IG once and then shove it in the draw with all the other outdated stationery in my house. That’s how I get my kicks”

Not everyone is so cavalier however. With former pencil-nabber, Tommy, pleading with people to think about their actions,

“I was flying out to Bali when I got the hard hand on the shoulder at the security gate. It was the AFP saying I’d better say goodbye to Bintangs & beach rubaroonies. They’d pursued me for 3 years and finally got their man”

The AFP refused to comment but a source close to a minister in charge of Operation Sharpener told The Times,

“You think the Government can afford to dish out pencils willy nilly? Hell no, you better believe they are out to make an example this election. Ask yourself, how much is that souvenir worth to you?”

They are talking a big game that’s for sure. Good luck pencil swipers. You may just need it. 

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