Emma thought she’d hit the jackpot – a low 30’s, light morning breeze, and not a whiff of gainful employment to stink out the influencer-toilet she calls a life.
There was only one thing for it. It was a #dayforit. So hastily packed her shit into her sugar daddy’s latest gift, a leased Cooper Mini, and made haste from her parent’s abode in Canning Vale (the rich part obviously) to Scarborough Beach.
In said haste, Emma had forgotten to charge her phone. Combined with the Snapchatting her entire driving singing whatever shitforbrains song was trending on TikTok meant that Emma rocked up to the beach with a distressing statistic – 14% battery.
Given it was an old phone bought after her last Crypto-bro-rented-Lambo modelling shoot in 2019, it was enough to send the phone into its death throes just metres from the beach.
We regret to tell everyone that Emma failed to even land ONE “How’s your workday going? 😉” post before her phone died in the arse like a gerbil at Richard Geere’s bucks party.
We spoke to Emma who was too distressed to communicate clearly. She told us,
“What’s the POINT!!! Half an HOUR drive and for what? Oh em gee, I think I’m going to be sick. I’m a content CREATOR!!!”
It appears the beautiful turquoise water lapping effortlessly against the shore wasn’t enough to satisfy her. Nor was the soft inviting sand that with the right set of peepers, one could see every footprint from every joyful frolick they’ve enjoyed on Perth’s beaches.
No. Emma failed to get even one piece of content to justify her self-given title as “content creator” whatever the fark that means.
She tried to enjoy the experience by going for a swim in the refreshing ocean. However, stormed out after seeing some rival influencer having her salted moose knuckle photographed by her #boyfriendofinstagram.
Disgusted at how the day turned out she returned to her parent’s Canning Vale duplex to stew in the unsavoury juices of influencer jealousy.
After all, if a Perth girl goes to the beach but doesn’t post it on social media, did she even go?
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
