Serious concerns for Bunbury Farmers Market operators have been raised after hordes of wander out yonderers seized their opportunity to head Douth after enduring 4 days of lockdown.

Bunbury residents are advised to give themselves an extra 4 hours if they intend to run any local errands as the roads will be blocked up like a baker’s colon during a Metamucil shortage.

Staff on shift have been advised to “go to their happy place” while more weathered employees know there “isn’t enough lube in the world” for the rogering they are going to be copping.

While the Bunbury Farmers Market gets violated every holiday period, it is expected to be extra brutal this weekend due to the masks requirement for Perth visitors.

Staff will bear the additional burden of having to convince Dex, Morana and their little family of entitlings that they’ll have to wear a mask while they man handle all of the fresh produce while loudly demanding discounts for the subsequent bruising. After it all, it took 3 security guards and a call to the police to get Dex to leave Liquorland on Tuesday for refusing to be “muzzled“.

It is believed that visitors from Perth fall into a deep existential panic as they exit the metro area and suddenly think there isn’t a single shop open south of Bunbury.

Their only choice is to join the grocery battle royal at the markets an throw elbows at any pensioner, woman or child that dare get between you and the last pack of lamb chops.

To make matters worse, younger families baptised in the waters of Instagram find it near on impossible to pass any farmers market without violently orgasming at the thought of a fresh produce selfie.

On the plus side, locals should be treated to some car park biffo as tensions boil over from Perth holiday makers who have already been stuck in traffic all morning. After all, redlining your twin turbo internal-rage engine it’s the corner stone to any good Douth holiday.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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