Bunnings Admits Facial Recognition Cams “Useless”, Only Showing Faces Stuffed With Snags

Bunnings along with Kmart and The Good Guys have found themselves on the wrong end of a Choice investigation after it came to light they have been recording customers’ biometric facial data.

Bunnings told the media that they were using the facial recognition cameras as a way to keep staff safe and help with loss prevention. However, their database tells a different story.

A spokesperson for Bunnings told The Times, “we thought it’d be a good idea but all we’re left with is a vast database full of people shoving sausage sizzles into their faces thus obscuring them. Accordingly, we weren’t really able to pick up any useful data”

A loss prevention expert told The Times, “what we found is that if two people kinda look alike they’ll almost look exactly the same while shoving a double banger sausage sizzle in their gob while sauce drips all over the floor”

In one incident, the software actually matched a customer from the week before with a slobbering staffie that had found itself the recipient of a chunk of sausage. To the program, there was no real difference. 

We spoke to Brent who claims he was accused of stealing a pack of nails last week. An act that he was later cleared of after speaking to police. He told The Times,

“What, do all middle-aged dads in their best cargos devouring 3 sausage sizzles back to back all look the same or something? I’ve been profiled and I don’t much appreciate that”

A prosecutor echoed the sentiments and told The Times that CCTV of grown adults stuffing their faces like X-Mas turkeys made for pretty poor evidence, adding,

“Unless they have a distinct tattoo every weekend warrior glutton pretty much looks the same at that moment. Bunnings has just found itself with a database of pigs. Nothing else really”

However, the slobbish database has caused extra outrage. With citizens saying they feel betrayed they have been captured in such a special moment. 

A moment of pureness. A ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak existence. To record someone enjoying that first bite of sausage in a bun is up there with cams in the dunny.