WA Doctor Credits Eagles Rebuild Period With Adding 20 Years to Fan’s Life

A Western Australian doctor has credited the improved health of one of his patients with the Eagles entering a rebuild period where fans don’t have to get worked up over things like finals and flags. 

He told The Times that during the WA team’s dominant periods, his patients would experience habitual stress-related spikes in blood pressure because they wanted it all and they wanted it now. We spoke to the patient who was living in a state of serenity he told The Times,

“Yeah, back in the day I would go absolutely troppo if an Eagles missed a goal in the final quarter. Now I just need to see the team going in the right direction and I’m alright. The pressure is off and they say I’ll live for another 20 years. How about that?”

The fan’s doctor hopes he can get himself into a state of stable health before the Eagles inevitably pick back up and become flag contenders. He does however have fears for his Docker fan patients. Adding,

“I got a lot more phone calls from my purple patient base last year and a record 45 calls during the pre-season match this year. Now Dockers fans have seen beyond the premiership veil they are taking every game very personally. It’s not good for some of the old feller’s hearts”

We spoke to a Purple army sergeant who was admitted to RPH after the Freo loss last week. He told The Times it was going to be a long year for his heart if they don’t start showing the same brilliance they did last year. Adding,

“I’ll follow Fyfe home. Plain and simple. It’s either him or me heart giving out. I kinda miss the old days where the only time I’d venture into a little cardio arresto was during the Derby ha ha”

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