Pandemics can be a frustrating time for armchair-immunologists. All these so-called “doctors” and “health professionals” swinging their Ph-Dicks around the place. As it happens, they aren’t the only ones who have some hot takes on COVID-19.
They may have done a “degree” but you’ve done your research. Hell, you may have even participated in a cookery show and have a modest social media following. After all, that’s the true measure of a health expert these days.
To really sell the sizzle you should give yourself a title of your own – holistic medicine practitioner? Wellness dietician? Vitamin Shamen? It doesn’t really matter because your online certificate does the talking for you.
Sure there will be a decent segment of society that figures out a cow shat in a printer and your certificate is printed in pure bullshit. Ignore these haters. They aren’t your target market. After all, you can lead the horse to the comic-sans blog-hole but you can’t make him think.
Now, qualified medical advice is usually bogged down in confusing and unnecessary “details”. Not yours. You only spent 15 minutes browsing a few medical-sounding words to help deliver your real message – vitamin C & new born urine cures COVID-19.
Amazing right? It BOOSTS the immune system and you only need to consume 5 bottles of Blackmores an hour to cure yourself *mic drop*. Don’t stop there though. Hit ‘em with the faux-science left, right, goodnight – a personal testimony of how you cured YOURSELF.
Now, not everyone you talk to will have the brainpower of a lobotomised potato. They may ask you why your miracle cure isn’t being taken seriously by mainstream science. A valid question and a question you have the answer for.
It’s elementary my dear mouth-breather, science is trying to discredit your Vit C + newborn urine miracle cure because there is a giant global conspiracy to vaccinate us for fark knows what reason. Remember, stick to your brand and don’t get bogged down in the details.
Once you have dropped your weapon of miss-information you should invite questions. Feed your ego and relish in the attention you are getting from people who probably have a garage stacked full of toilet paper.
You hero.
