Part-time Pilbara operator and full-time Redcliffe blowhard has made a special point of staunching his way through Kmart this afternoon to buy an electric blanket. Which he says is to prepare for the “so-called” overnight high of 25 degrees overnight temp on Tuesday.
Witnesses report that a man in trackie dacks and a Hi-Vis jacket was seen pretending to shiver while he browsed for his intended item. Like a cuntspider waiting for his prey, he was finally rewarded when a kindly old lady asked him if he was hot in all that gear on such a nice day. A witness told The Times,
“You could see his beady little eyes light up. It was obviously a lovely 30-degree day today and he took the opportunity to tell her to calm her flaps. This was apparently arctic and he needed an electric blanket just to get through tomorrow’s warmish night”
It didn’t stop there. With a checkout chick describing the painful process of actually selling the item to him. We spoke to the staff member who wished to remain anonymous. She told The Times,
“He kept asking if the electric blanket was arctic-rated because he was worried about freezing to death tomorrow night. He made me get a manager over to ask whether he could stack two of them on top of each other to make sure of this. He smelled heavily of bourbon and bullshit”
We understand that the clearly perspiring man was unrelenting in his efforts to maintain his ruse. Walking into the nearby bottlo with his electric blanket in hand. A witness told The Times,
“He kept saying that he’d love to go and pick a carton but he’s worried his internal temp is already too low to go into a freezer and he might die. He then told everyone that if they don’t see him tomorrow to send a team around with some ice picks”
We can report that when old mate got home he was given the bad news that his air conditioner carked it while he was away. By all reports, he dropped his tough guy horseshit and got on the blower with his landlord threatening to end them if they didn’t fix it by tomorrow night.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?