Home Hot Takes From the Zoo IN FOCUS: Limewire

IN FOCUS: Limewire

Back in 2000, we were introduced to the unprotected sex of the internet – Limewire. Rather than slip on a condom of updated virus protection, we dived raw-dog into the world of pirating computer files.

Of course, it was Napster who first let us penetrate the paywalls that the music industry was viciously cockblocking us with. However, the experience was all together vanilla and it was Limewire that added a little spice to our download life. Essentially, Napster was the missionary 3 pumps of piracy, Limewire was the keys in the fucking bowl.

Instead of trudging down to your local Sanity like a loser, you’d just take your pick of music, videos & games from other peers computers. After a solid 5 hours of downloading, you’d have 12 of the hottest tunes to burn onto a CD and take for a fang in your brand-spankin’ no skip Discman.

Was it a coincidence that Limewire was released in the same year as Santana ft Rob Thomas smash hit “Smooth”? Do you think they were playing a fucking game with you when they released the ultimate peer to peer sharing program when the Thong Song was dropped? Christ. Wake up sheeple.

We were all hooked on the buzz of free music but then our home PCs slowly started to fall to the great tech plague that Limewire brought. You can trace back the exact moment you destroyed your computer – it was when you waited 3 hours to download a 3minute porn “.exe” file. Your pubescent curiosity got the best of you.

However, the only backdoor action you got was a filthy trojan that made your PC slower than a Perth driver in a bit of light rain. You’d fucked it, mate, you had fallen for the oldest trick in the book – to trust a file name on Limewire.

Mothers & fathers across the land broke into the ape-shit-shuffle in computer rooms demanding to know WTF had been done to their CD-Roms. Where was your old boy going to clock up hours on Solitaire now? You piece of shit.

It wasn’t long until the I.T snitch at your parent’s workplace exposed you for the dirty pirate you were. You were lucky not to get the spoon for your technology terrorism. Alas, it wasn’t just the wooden cutlery of child compliance that you feared; there was a more sinister enemy at the gates.

Anti-piracy advertisements hit the airwaves and would have you believe that refusing to pay $15 for a CD single was comparable to bag snatching and automobile theft. No matter how many times you would hear this message in your life, you could never bring yourself to give a shit.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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