Joy turned to tears on Tuesday, when, Tamara, an aspiring influencer realised she’d forgotten to pack a large, blow-up flamingo to float on during her visit photoshoot at Black Diamond Lake.
Her greatest nightmare was confirmed when she pulled into a petrol station to inflate the Instagram staple and realised it was missing from her car boot. She somewhat naively decided to continue to Black Diamond Lake, thinking everything would be OK.
It wasn’t. Local Rangers were tipped off to the controversy after a group of #vanlife oxygen bandits surrounded Tamara and demanded to know where her blow-up flamingo was.
A self-professed, “urban nomad” and trust-fund-teat-suckler told The Bell Tower Times,
“Does she think she’s better than us? Thinks she can just come to Black Diamond Lake and not get the exact same pink rubber against blue water contrast shot like the rest of us? Not on my watch”
Rangers gave Tamara 15 minutes to produce a valid inflatable pink flamingo before making the tough choice to revoke her influencer credentials and send her packing.
A spokesperson for the Ranger service told us,
“Black Diamond Lake has an image to uphold. Do you think the Rangers up in the Avon Valley would let someone visit without walking whimsically through a canola crop in some contrived living-in-the-moment Instagram shot? Forgetaboutit”
Rangers said they may have been convinced to let her pose on one of the 27 other blow-up flamingos if she had followed some of the other rules.
“Her bikini bottoms weren’t sufficiently riding up her arse either. We understand not everyone wants to show off the full double cheekcake with cream but for god sake, if you’re going to have a photo of yourself wading into the rich turquoise waters from behind, you need to follow etiquette”
Tamara apologised to authorities are maintained that she would normally be wearing a set of bikini bottoms that were up so high they’d help her floss her teeth. Alas, she’d got a tattoo of a dandelion with its seeds blowing into the air a week or so before.
“I didn’t want to get too much sun on my new deep, meaningful tattoo. Do you get it, it’s like, I am the dandelion seeds and I go where the wind goes. Or maybe I’m the dandelion and I’m letting go of the 9-5 life. I actually have no idea why I got this tattoo on my arse”
It should be noted that during the search of her socials to verify Black Lake Diamond influencer status, Rangers didn’t even see one #perthisok hashtag. How Tamara thought she’d get to swim in this lake is beyond us.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
