Innaloo man, Will believes that his 35 years in the NOR suburb have left him with a peculiar condition. He claims that he’s unable to gaze upon large poles, posts, or masts without being hit with an insatiable desire to get down & dirty on some quality Saturday morning sausage sizzle.
Psychologists back up the man’s claims, saying that seeing Innaloo Bunnings’ 3 massive posts every day has created a subconscious response to the large structures. Adding,
“It’s a deep psychological reaction to man’s fascination with strong, sturdy poles and the succulent delight of this nation’s culinary highwater mark. Unfortunately for Will, this can sometimes get in the way of his life. It’s actually quite alarming”
We spoke to Will who said his condition was affecting him, adding,
“I’m trying to watch my boy play footy but as soon as I see someone slot it through the big sticks I’m over by the sausage sizzle gorging myself like a fkn anaconda mate. I’m not even hungry after the 4th but I keep going”
Similarly, Will had a ‘mare at the Maritime Museum, forcing his family to leave after just 15 minutes of spotting a mast. He told The Times,
“Innaloo has ruined me mate. I couldn’t make it 15 minutes after seeing those succulent masts. My god, I just went troppo. I needed mystery meat, onions, tomato sauce, and bread. Forgive me for I am week”
Luckily, the condition hasn’t affected his bedroom forays. In the words of his wife,
“Yeah, nothing structurally impressive about his rod. The sight of his own mast certainly doesn’t trigger the need for a big juicy sausage, unlike others in the room…”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?