Job dodging is an art form. Done poorly and you will shine like a glaring cold sore on the lip of productivity but done well, you’ll truly flourish in your bright future in middle management.

A true job dodger knows exactly how to avoid getting stuck without a chair when the music stops. They are armed with a litany of excuses and are fully prepared to say a family member has COVID-19 provided it will free up their Friday arvo a bit.

Any workplace Houdini worth their salt will be well versed in the warning signs that some additional work has caught an express train right towards them.

Perhaps the boss is storming through the halls with an important-looking letter, perhaps a delivery has just arrived or perhaps a superior has noticed the half job that you’ve tried to pass off as workmanship.

These are horror situations to a human who has a crippling phobia of pulling their weight. Once a job dodger has assessed the urgency of the situation they must make a call – fight or flight.

Naturally, flight is the best option. Quickly escape to the toilets for your 3rd half an hour mobile gaming session for the day. Relax in the knowledge that no one is going to press you on your toilet habits.

If you chose to fight, you may or may not convince the boss that you truly can’t perform the extra task. No matter, simply delegate the matter to someone below you at your earliest convenience. Bring out that bag of excuses again.

Ultimately, you must adopt and believe the philosophy that the less work you do, the less you can stuff up. A true cornerstone of middle management.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?