Home Your Best Life Health, Well Being, Parenting Johnny Shredz’ Office Workouts

Johnny Shredz’ Office Workouts

So you have a full time office job and sit at a desk for 8 hours a day. Odds are that your job is a meaningless waste of time. You are a fucking cuck! You know how many hours there are in a day? 24. You workout for what, 20 minutes, 3 times a week and you think you are doing “all you can”? My office work out tips will transform you from office bitch into the savage receptionist fucker you want to be.

Arriving

No matter how you arrive to the office, always, ALWAYS run into the office. This will not only make you appear alpha but you will also get a slight sweat on which will trigger the pheromone receptors in the busty receptionist you’ve always wanted to put on the workbench.

Legs

Your legs look like a couple of shrivelled chicken dicks. Anytime you are sitting down smash out those calf raises. Mix it up with some leg raises which will tone up your quads. Don’t be afraid to make some noise, your grunts make you sound like a beast and create a 100% chance of moist.

Pushups

Any window lickers in the office?  Who cares. Pretending you need to shit and cranking out 50 pushups in the disabled toilet is a solid strat that can be pulled out at least 3 times a day.

Hand Strength

Johnny Shredz’ Power Grip 5000™ is the perfect office companion. It will not only make your hands stronger but also make you appear more alpha. You think anyone will mess with a man smashing out hand grips all day? Forget about it. A real man is feared in the workplace.

Lunch

Your lunch isn’t the time to go and sit on your arse again and eat that disgusting mush you call lunch. Every gram of fat in your body is producing estrogen. The more high intensity cardio you do the less of a beta cuck you become. That’s just a fact. Smash out some high intensity intervals in the park. Include some step ups and sprints.

Meetings

Meetings are the ideal time to show you are a real go getter. Flex baby. Contract that core, flex those biceps, look Bob dead in the eye and demand you get Johnny Shredz’ Protein Power™ bars in the break room.

Leaving the Office

Time to really make a statement. Talk about how you are going to the gym or that you are going for a run. Change into your workout gear and walk with intention. Judith at the front desk will get creamier each day knowing what a man you really are.   

I’m Johnny Shredz baby, you better believe it.

Helping you de-disgustify yourself is a deep burn, so how about you buy Johnny a protein shake, ay?

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