Mr #Budget

Karl has obtained many armchair doctorates from the University of Layman. He got a mild stiffy when the #Budget2015 was handed down and hasn’t been so excited to share his expertise since the controversial decision in the May-Pac fight. So sit back, scroll through your feed and prepare for a guest lecture by your mate Karl, as he amateurishly fumbles through the complicated issues with all the precision and panache of a drunk virgin trying to root a toilet roll filled with jam.

Karl last clashed with his old school mate, Jane, when she condemned the Indonesian Government’s death penalty policy. He fiercely battered her with his unique brand of caps lock logic and smothered her compassionate pleas in a sea of barbaric memes. Once again, he takes exception to her status, “well, thanks for continuing to tax periods Hockey #tampontax #budget2015”. Lucky for Jane, Karl is both an expert on GST and a woman’s monthlies. He rambles out an 855 character rebuttal that can really be summarised by, “at the end of the day, women can just fashion tissue into a plug OK”.

Karl has won the fight and is feeling like Mayweather himself (even though Pac-man should’ve won, according to Karl). He is fired up and decides to flex his economic and family knowledge via a status update, “Good on’ya Abbott, putting a stop on double-dipping bludger families is a bold move and the one that Australia’s economy sorely needs”. To be fair, Karl was both reared by a mother and participates in the Australian economy, so he obviously is not just talking blithering shit. Goodbye single mothers, hello economic growth!

Karl loudly sighs and face-palms as he reads his friends comments about the Budget. A figurative fedora forms on his head as he searches for a chance to educate. On that note, his search is a lot more efficient than the efforts of international governments in their search for MH370 (as according to Karl). He shamelessly cherry picks and plagiarises opinions of knowledgeable analysts in an attempt to elevate himself to the status of Budget God. Accordingly, he chips in enough of his 2 cents to single-handedly boost the fucking economy.

He spots his sister’s comment on the unfair costs of University fees. Karl is sickened that this parasite is spreading ignorance and worst of all, shaming his family name. “Personally, I would’ve raised Uni fees, why should we carry the bludgers for getting a useless arts degree?”

Well, not all of us can gain an education directly from our arseholes Karl.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?