Mr Perth FIFO

The only thing Robbo believes in more than providing for his family is getting paid what he is worth, and he has calculated that worth at $130k per annum with fuel allowance.

Sure, it has been a tough 5 years since his last job at Cloudbreak, but he keeps his wife motivated during her 80 hour weeks cleaning apartments by assuring her that only a scab would accept the salaries being offered currently:

“Nah, nah, nah, fuck that shit ay, only way to get paid what yous worth is to turn down bullshit offers like that, anyone accepting em is a dog. Plus we’re orrright at the moment, yous is bringing in good coin ay”.

Reassuring words from a man who has the drive of a ‘78 Kingswood that needs a push start every morning.

It’s Thursday afternoon and Robbo scrolls through the news in a day-drunk haze. He spots an article: “Roy Hill to offer 600 jobs” and word on the street is that they’re paying alright ay.

That night, Robbo is an inspired man. He looks at his exhausted wife like Pauline Hanson would look at a pre-Halal certified jar of Vegemite, “guess what baby, the R-train will be working again!”

The alcohol paraphernalia and sports memorabilia rattle as Robbo mounts his wife, props up her arms, and rides her like a Jet Ski right on that pool table.

“Yewwwww, get that dick”, he screams as his wife knows the words to make him cum, “we are now starting our descent to Denpasar Airport baby”.

Sober(ish) Robbo calls his recruiter and sends through an unchanged version of his CV. The recruiter gives him an icier reception than an Australian flag salesman on the streets of Freo, “I won’t lie, mate, a 5-year employment hiatus doesn’t look good, and positions will be extremely competitive”.

Robbo slams the phone down and explodes into a patriotic rage. He is king dick of FIFO, and everyone else in a Hi-Vis is fuck all. He knows the reality of the situation, it’s not his lack of drive, it’s 457 Visa scabs.

He jumps on Facebook to convey his thoughts:

“Wateva happened to Aussie jobs for Aussies ay? Fuck Roy Hill for a JOKE, all the jobs will go to 457 scabs for half what ya should get payed pfffft oh and cant have Xmas trees cos of that lot either lol GUTLESS WONDERS”.

Typically, when it comes to his trials & tribulations, he has more excuses than Ben Cousins’ defence lawyers.

Oh well, he’ll be right, the misso can pick up plenty of extra work over the Christmas party season.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?