Mr Perth School Student

Tim is a little i-Turd 2.0. A private school-scrote that thanks to social media and fatherly indifference have become a living advertisement for the benefits of a swift pull out.

Growing up in the ghetto of Nedlands taught Tim a few things about street life. To keep it lit, you gotta go hard in the motherfucking paint. So everywhere he goes he bombs his gang’s tag: HKK – Hectic Skitz Krew yo.

Who are they? A “squad” of top 1% bunch of dabbing dickwits who engage in high-risk tagging – like the back of bus seats and neighbourhood walls in light conditions so dark George Zimmerman would unload a 9.

Despite being as hard as a headshot in GoldenEye in DK Mode, Tim likes to staunch out oldies on public transport. Like Mundine sitting on an attention-seeking vibrator during the national anthem, Tim wouldn’t stand for no one. HKK yo.

It’s Friday morning, but Tim has better things to do than learning about photosynthesis. He decides to show the substitute teacher what HKK is all about, “Yo Emma, do a dab ya bish!”

His disrespect has him sent to the headmaster’s office, but fuck that shit yo, Tim is rough like an American History X’ing in Timberland footwear. He decides to bail and bum-puff darts while snapchatting his unmatched display of bad-arsery.

While on suspension, his dick-brained mates start up the hashtag. “#freeTim”. Nothing has made Tim feel like a bigger gangster on the western suburb’s side. So he steps up his crime game and leaks a Google Doc containing a comprehensive list of nudes sent by girls from their sister school.

Not sure if his idols Young Thug or Fetty Wap needed to make a song about it, but as it turns out, circulating nudes of underage girls isn’t the most fashionable crime. Not very gangsta Tim.

The file is opened by every barely ball-dropped juvie and the kind of teachers who tell the kids they DJ on the weekend just to keep it real. Keep it cool.

Well, if little Tim shat himself when that Paul Blart looking motherfucker with a flashlight at the Boatshed carpark busted him tagging, imagine his reaction when the 5-0 rock up to his sprawling manor to quiz him about the naughty online porny.

Bad boy for life.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?