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Mr UWA Student

Jeremy went to Christ Church. Jeremy’s dad went to Christ Church. Jeremy is enrolled in Law/Commerce at UWA. Jeremy’s dad completed an LLB in Law/Commerce. So concludes the circle of entitlement to trust funds and other such financial boons of Perth’s elite.

Jeremy studied hard during school. He knew that if he failed to achieve UWA educated lawyer status, his parents would disown him. Unfortunately, he neglected to water the soul’s desire for healthy social interaction; thus his personality was dry and withered.

Jeremy quickly joins the UWA social scene. Two rules apply to UWA social events: firstly, you must come in fancy dress and secondly, you must adopt a try-hard American system of lingo. Call people “freshmen”, play “beer pong” and berate those geekier than yourself for yaking their guts out. Fuck what all those kids at school said, YOU Are the “jock” now, and your chosen sport is “Tavology 101” LOL. You are such a bad-arse that you don’t even care that you’ve got yak and piss all over your 1970’s Disco Stu costumeā€¦ your dad can afford the $50 dry cleaning charge. Bitches.

“Can you believe people waste their time doing law at Murdork and Notre Dame LOL”, Jeremy says to some sheltered Indian bird. “How can they afford to party like us on Youth Allowance HA!” Jeremy gets roaring applause from a group of Big Bang Theory looking cunts sitting nearby. “Well said, Jez for Prez!” Ahh, yeh. Totally. “Jez” runs for president of the Blackstone Society, UWA’s elite law students group. He plasters his election posts all over the University campus. “Vote for Jeremy, a scholar in the lecture room and a lad in the Tav LOL”.

“Jez” fails to win the election. His pussy-footed upbringing hasn’t prepared him for the pains of disappointment. His eyes start welling up. The king of the UWA Tavern starts crying behind the library. As tears roll past his prominent adam’s apple his demeanor switches to nasty. “This isn’t over, you will be hearing from my lawyer!”

It’s like fucking law inception innit? A law student losing an election, so he engages a lawyer who happens to be his procreator. Wonderful.