Ms “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”

Like a Rugs-a-Million closing down sale, Eliza thinks she is a big deal but in reality, no one gives a shit. You see, Eliza fancies herself a real powerbroker. Yep, she has a rich husband, sat on the local council and has even written 2 write-ups about herself in the local rag, bow before her plebs. 

You could imagine her shock when her child was knocked back from a child care centre for not being vaccinated. She was about to unleash a bigger shitstorm than a tradie power-walking towards a portaloo after his second iced coffee. 

She immediately demands to speak to the owner and aggressively questions their vaccination policy. She makes it clear that preventable disease is a “poor person’s problem” and her kids are perfectly healthy. 

Sensing the white spittle on the corners of her frothing mouth could blow at any minute the owner attempts to fob her off like she was a highway squeegee-man, “we stand by our policy, you are welcome to apply to other centres”. 

Big mistake, the owner poked the bear and she was about to get mauled like a honey coated DiCaprio in the North Dakota wilderness. “How dare you! You have just made a big mistake, a BIG mistake, you will never operate a daycare in this City again!”

Is she the 3rd tenor or that prick who went up with Armstrong and Aldrin or something? How do these peasants not know who she is? Well, wait until the editor of the local rag hears about this. 

She calls up her journo mate and demands an article be written about this daycare centre. Her friend sighs, this is just like the time she was cut off for acting like a drunk piece of shit at a city bar and declared everyone would lose their job and be working at McDonalds. 

Alas, she will have to write the article herself to burn this daycare to the ground in the interest of justice and restoring her bruised ego. So she gets to work drafting a mighty rant seething with self importance.

Unfortunately, no one seems keen to publish the whinge so she’s forced to slum it with the unwashed masses in as many FB groups as she can possibly find. She gets some traction in a local anti-vaxx group but it seems most other people think she making a huge tool of herself.

Have a Snickers Eliza, you are a massive dick head when you’re power hungry.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?