At the ripe age of 31, Tayla’s parents made the brave decision to flush out their beloved little intestinal worm that was eating half their food and generally sucking the life out of their twilight years.
She was officially “adulting”, a term used by people who set the bar of human achievement pretty low. While some millennials strive for money and power, Tayla just posted a photo of herself nearly assembling an Ikea bed frame.
Having almost tasted the sweet drippings of DIY Swedish success, Tayla turns her mind to some advanced adulting and decides to throw a proper sit-down dinner. Not the usual snort-dexies-off-your-backyard-setting at 4am slopfest, a proper, fucking dinner, cutlery and all.
Tayla proceeds to Snapchat her entire adventure to Farmer Jacks. Clear your schedule people, adulting just went live. Halfway through scanning her big shop, she is struck with a painful adult realisation that she is about to pay a higher price than a condomless Barnaby Joyce.
In an act decidedly less mature than the cheese she so sorely wants, Tayla puts the decadent load on her folk’s emergency credit card #adulting. She spends the next 3 hours giving Jamie Oliver a run for the title of smuggest salad tosser of all time:
“Busy prepping this pumpkin and feta salad for tonight’s dinner soiree 😛 Who knew this gal could adult so well 😉 hehe#masterchef#dinnerparty#suave#chic#sophisticated#winetime #adulting#icancookapumpkin”
Despite the odds, Tayla successfully prepared a salad and cooked a few field mushrooms for multiple hungry people and even managed to post several times about it. We will have to wait for the book to understand how she really pulled all that off though.
Just like a Notre Dame insurance claim she had risen from the ashes and was now a brilliant phoenix of mundane tasks. A true inspiration to anyone still breathing through their mouths and suckling upon the teat of uselessness.
What could possibly go wrong? Well, Tayla found that out when the adulting train finally stopped off at utility bills station. Aw shit, when keeping it adult gets real.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
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