Brit pre-Waleedly ejaculates her opinion on punching Kangaroos all over the sheets of social media.
“Going before the monologue” is a risky move. Firstly, her prince of paraphrasing may disagree, but mostly, the nation’s position on “punsing on” with Roos hasn’t been settled yet. It’s still a jungle of opinion, but she swings in like Cunt-zan.
Now, she has never lived out bush, but what she does have is a set of skills. Skills acquired over several trips to petting zoos and a one day-campaign against the horse racing industry. Skills that make her a nightmare for Kangaroo punchers like you.
“Punching defenceless creatures is wrong! He should be charged with animal cruelty!!! You can tell by the Kangaroo’s posture that he wasn’t a threat! Absolute shame! #bantheroopunch #peta #animalcruelty”
Her post attracts some country heat from an Akubra-clad Bundy enthusiast:
“Gettt farrrked. Bloke was brave was for protecting his best mate, anyway, a Roo could’ve drowned the dog or gutted them both, no dramas. Trust me, a Roo isn’t to be trifled with”
Brit is LITERALLY offended. How dare this B&S kissing-cousins cunt argue with her. She was right about Harambe, and she is right about this:
“So sad we have people like you in the world. I think the world has TOO many humans and not enough Kangaroos just saying #sorrynotsorry.”
Aw shit. Brit just went full Sea Shepherd and has come off as well adjusted as Captain Paul Watson liberating a crayfish from Cicerellos while wearing his mum’s bra as a battle mask.
Regardless of what is said, you can’t be wrong if you don’t listen, and for as long as the story stays hashtaggable, members of the Roo fight club better jump the fuck back, she’s onto you.
As she waits for Waleed to make everything better, she watches old footage of Skippy while protectively patting her cat, “I would punch a man in the face if he tried to harm you, baby”.
Well, ain’t that some shit.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?