At 7 am on a Saturday morning, Amy realises that she has hit rock bottom. She was an addict. All it took was the promise of brunch for Amy to bring that creepo home and let him smash his avo-
In her defence she wasn’t thinking right as in an effort to raise $500M to become a “self made” property powerhouse she hasn’t had a $4 coffee in days.
Sadly, the $16 in her savings account depressed her. Her deposit wasn’t even close to being lit. She decides to follow Gurner’s advice and go nuclear by making up the difference by purging her wanderlust and going cold turkey from her #takemeback posts.
She shivers through a Thursday without re-posting that photo from Ibiza where she kinda looks like Kendall Jenner if you just squint your entire perception. Fuck still broke!
To add insalted caramel to injury, her diarrhoea tea business has basically folded. Turns out a generation on the Espresso Martini and amphetamine diet don’t need much help shitting themselves.
She was officially at odds with life as the list of what she can’t even grew out of control. She was having a mid-millennial crisis.
She decides to take a long hard look at herself in the mirror. Literally. She can’t believe it, the answer was there all along. How fucking on fleek are her eyebrows and how many other girls have eyebrows like a leering Taxi driver?
Just like Picasso didn’t need market research, neither did Amy’s brow-artistry ambitions. She picks up the basics from Priceline and sets up a few social media pages, “High Brow$ by Amy”. Original.
Years of pyramiding like an Egyptian slave had equipped Amy well for the final stage of her plan: mercilessly harass her friends and family to book her services. Her reluctant aunt caves in after her 5th message.
Halfway through Amy’s aunt asks whether he can do lashes too. For an extra $50 sure she can. Sadly, her aunt would live to regret it, as you’ve probably seen people convicted of Sharia Law walk away from a lashing treatment in better shape.
Yassss, $100 bucks. She heads straight to a cute little cafe and gets a double serving of smash avo. The vicious cycle continues.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
Or PayPal if you’d like. It’s probably tax-deductible