Perth’s pop-up fever outbreak has reached epidemic proportions with millennials suffering symptoms ranging from life-threatening FOMO, pangs of exclusivity and chronic and uncontrollable hashtagitis.
Sharlean has been fighting a stage 5 infection since the start of summer and despite bars stretching the definition of “pop-up” further than the skin on a Cottesloe cougar’s facelift, she wasn’t going to miss out on the chance to drink out of a plastic cup or sit on “furniture” stolen off a forklift.
Just to clarify, Sharlean isn’t like all you other basics, she lived in Melbourne for 3 months and knew a thing or two about pop-up bars. She knows that there are only 2 nights that matter, the night the bar pops up and the night before the bar pops down. It’s called being in the “in-crowd” sweetie, look it up.
Sharlean also knows that the key to pop-up barring is to act like you’ve discovered a hidden gem that the decidedly un-vogue masses of Perth wouldn’t know about. It’s not like they have read the same Broadsheet or Urbanlist article that any dickhead with an internet connection has seen.
Opening night, so Sharlean needed to be in attendance. She stormed into the venue like she was premiering her latest Kookai playsuit on the red carpet of the Oscar Awards Cuntemony.
She ignores at least 5 other socialites she knows as she races to get an Aperol Spritz, the official drink of being a hip, cultured influencer. Once she has her drink, she utilises her boyfriend for the only thing he’s good for: being her personal photographer.
Now that she is Instagram ready, she acknowledges the existence of some other girls she knows. She sizes them up to make sure their outfits and faces aren’t cuter than hers and eventually satisfies herself that they will be forming her “squad” for the shot.
She makes her boyfriend retake the photo 7 times before she is satisfied she is slaying and her “besties” look like fucking dragons:
“Opening night with these 10s #intheknow #exclusive #VIPS #popupsquad #ganggang #skrrrt #enjoyingtheparamountlosers #popup #ifyouknowyouknow #popupkween #slay #STMsocialpages #perthonality”
Yuck. If that’s the effect of pop-up fever, just give us regular Ebola thanks.
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