Ms Sunday Penalty Rates

Each Sunday morning Rach either calls in sick or rocks up to the cafe like she’s auditioning for a mid 2000s Britney Spears bio-pic and refuses to break character.

When she’s not vomiting or sitting on the toilet Instagramming #fashun she drags her feet like she was doing a walk of shame to the local bus stop after staying up late with Hotdogs. 

She overhears the part time chef complaining about penalty rates being axed. Now, a quick Google search would alert Rach that her casual rates would be unaffected, but fark that noise, she is totes mad. 

She used to feel kinda of guilty about throwing plates at customers and making coffee so bad that when each cup was served a Melbourne fairy would lose his scarf. 

Not anymore, clearly her small business employer aka Adolf Cuntler was executing his final solution against that Kookai bag she had her eye on. The horror.

She makes an elderly couple search for their own menus while she gets #political on social media by taking a selfie of her giving the finger and looking fierce but cute:

“EFFF you Malcolm Abbott!!!! Yous don’t realise we rely on Sundays to get us through the week#penaltyrates#handsoffmyrates#ratemywage#auspol#spitinyoureggs#fascism” 

The actually affected chef is beginning to lose his patience, “run the damn Avo out Rach”. Um hello, do you think she’s really going to do that for her unchanged $31p/h? Looks like we have the winner of Australia’s next Mastercunt right Rach?

She is the Malcolm X of shit service-protesting and feels totally vindicated. Then her boss rocks up on his day off to assure his staff that while under no obligation, he would not lower the rate for his part time and full time staff. 

He zooms away in his low income, single dad car. A man who would probably fire Rach if he hadn’t sent that regrettable low income, single dad shirtless selfie last NYE. Oh well. 

The kitchen staff are some of the lucky ones. They survived the great penalty-ratering of 2017. Rach isn’t so happy, she uploads another selfie of her adding pepper to some French Bulldog owning douche’s latte:

“GREAT the boss came in (surprise surprise he’s not working on weekends) and told us our kitchen staff would get paid the same, WHAT ABOUT ME! I QUIT hospitality #regime#nazis#fuckthatshit#getmytitsoutoninstainstead#skinnytea”.

She should’ve checked to see if she was bleeding before crying about the cut ay?

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?