Perth on Standby to Host 2022 Winter Olympic Games

In a shock to the majority of the world, Perth has been named as the city to host the 2022 Winter Olympics if China is unable to host the event for virus restriction-related reasons, as they pursue COVID zero. 

Members of the IOC had sized up countries like Switzerland or Russia or whatever but were apparently “blown away” by the footage emerging from Perth today.

A spokesperson for the IOC told The Bell Tower Times,

“Snow! In October? In Perth? How wonderful. We have been keeping a track of your plans to build the first ski resort in WA and well, frankly, we’d be fools not to choose Perth as the contingency plan if China shits the bed and can’t hold the event”

An expert from the IOC said that the winter wonderland he saw in Perth today was “very encouraging”, adding,

“I almost loaded up my skis and booked a ticket to Perth today but was told I wasn’t quite welcome yet. It’s every snow sport fanatic’s nightmare – the best powder in the world atm and not being able to carve it up. Plus we wouldn’t have to go to Albany first”

It’s no surprise that China and Australia currently enjoy a somewhat icy relationship. However a spokesperson for the CCP told The Bell Tower Times,

“We would be honoured to concede the 2022 Winter Olympics to you. Not only is your pow pow gnar but you’ll be able to have crowds at the events. What’s more, our viewers are very interested in many, many scenic shots of the Blue Boathouse”

Premier Marko McGowan didn’t need much convincing. A sentiment echoed by Twiggy. Both men are very keen to assist China to avoid any potential embarrassment by hosting a shit Winter Olympics. 

A WA Government spokesman was asked what he would do on the small chance there wasn’t enough ice in Perth in its hottest month of February. He replied,

“Between you and me, I reckon Perth can muster up a bitta ice”.

Well said. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?