Scarborough is that festering scab by the sea that is begging you to pick it for your next amazing day out in Perf. You won’t believe what oozes out the deeper you go!
If you are hoping to attract the attention of the “in-crowd”, you are going to need a car that says, “I’m a massive cunt”, and you really can’t go past a Dodge Nitro. Seriously, look no further.
Top Experiences in Scarborough
Do some training for Stirling Highway – As a Perth adventurer, it is inevitable you’ll have to tackle Stirling Highway one day, so take the opportunity to hone your lane zipping skills on the Scarborough Beach Road – an arterial road that’s typically clogged up like an American man’s aorta.
Share a strong opinion on high rises – An important part of Scarborough localism is to constantly complain about high rise developments and reckon some shit about local Government corruption.
Instantly endear yourself to the locals by stating you don’t want another Gold Coast and as far as you’re concerned Scarborough is at residential capacity, so any newcomers can fuckoff.
Applaud a Sunset – Yeeeeeah, they do that…. Don’t be a sheep though, mix things up and try applauding the sunrise. It’s twice as fun because you are almost certain to get some Jurassic-period boomer writing a letter of complaint to the local council about you.
Think about his angry little t-rex arms furiously writing that letter. How satisfying.
Lose your shit over the parking situation – Best not to bring up the parking situation around the locals because they will likely blame blow-ins like you for the lack of beachside convenience.
On a busy day, you’ve got a better chance of finding a good spot at a melanoma day surgery.
Watch some crime from the Amphitheatre – Find a good spot in the Amphitheatre and watch angry youths swing hooks that connect as infrequently as a modem on the NBN network.
If you’re not into amateurs, gander at the pissed up knuckledraggers who venture out from local bars and turn the foreshore into their anti-social arena. Admire the glamour of street drinking and public urination from punters who are no strangers to a move on notice.
Get Extreme – Scabs is like the suburban version of the X-Games! Drop in on a local surfer, sell a small quantity of drugs at the skate park, dodge urine in the pool, step on a stonefish, survive a mini tornado or leave your valuables unattended on the beach for 5 minutes!
What a rush! If you are an adrenaline junkie then buckle in and prepare to get extreme.
Fashion Trends – Fake tids, fake tans and fake displays of wealth – this is the look Scabs has tried so hard to foster. While you’re at it, drop off your old silicon implants outside the historic site of Matisse Beach Club and pay your respects.
Local Delicacies – There is plenty on offer in Scabs. Head over to Alan Bond’s dick extension and dine on a big plate of regret as you lock lips with some bunyip at the Rendezvous Hotel.
If you’re allergic to penicillin, perhaps enjoy a generous serving of unwanted nostalgia as some old head bangs on about how loose The Lookout was back in the day.
Testimonials – “I didn’t care much for the scantily dressed women and roided up morons, but I can really see myself retiring here and becoming a vocal member of the citizen objectors scene. It’s an all you can object to buffet and I reckon in 20 years I’ll be starving!” – D Summerton
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?