Welcome to South Perth! Spend a day in the land that pubs forgot, with people who don’t want you there.
Getting Around
To really embrace the South Perth lifestyle you need something big, beautiful and devoid of any real substance. Accordingly, a Jeep is a perfect little run around for this vast suburb.
Top Experiences in South Perth
Blame a car passenger for shitting their pants
If you’re entering South Perth from the freeway, you are almost guaranteed to sit awkwardly as the smell of Satan’s skid-mark fills your car. Friends will become enemies as each passenger turns against the other trying to figure out who cacked their dacks. Don’t worry though, it’s just our beautiful river.
Wrangle a zoo escapee
At $32 bucks a pop, the zoo may sound like an expensive activity, but can you put a price on potentially ending up in a real-life version of Jumanji? Enjoy the chaotic scramble to capture these exotic beasts, as zookeepers search through hordes of bogans trying to work out who belongs on which side of the enclosure fence. Remember to redeem your free meerkat with every visit.
Endurance Pub Crawl
Have you ever thought to yourself, “what this pub crawl really needs is a 2km death march between venues”? Then look no further. At a whopping 19.8 km², South Perth only really has two bars, so it’s probably best to add the Como to your pub crawl as well. Down a pint, trek 2km to your next venue and arrive sober and pissed off. Laughin’.
Tap dancing on Mends St
Ah, the grand symphony of the middle aged cyclist serenading Mends St Cafes with the clickety clop of their midlife crisis shoes. Squeeze through a pulsating mass of Lycra-clad lawyers and enjoy a $5 coffee while playing a little game of pin the B.O on the bike-donkey. Truly magical.
Trash a communal BBQ
South Perth has a fuck-off foreshore that’s perfect for a BBQ and some coldies. While drinking in public is not legal, punters perform a little ceremony to ward off pesky police – the “honey soy chicken marinading of the BBQ”. Fuck bringing some al-foil, leave that hot plate looking like Masterfoods bukkake rag. Remember, a disgusting hot plate a day keeps the local law enforcement away.
Fashion Trends
South Perth reeks of money so fellers, rock the, “I’m happy to pay $13 for a pint if it’ll keep poor people out” look. For the ladies, it’s all about that 7
Testimonials
“Rich people really know how to suck the fun out a suburb don’t they?” – Ken G
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
