REPORT: Synergy Could Have At Least Bought You Dinner First

All across WA, the sound of punters calling Synergy a pack of dogs can be heard radiating from households as summertime electricity bills hit inboxes. 

An increase in electricity prices mixed with a summer that was hotter than the inside of Clive’s thighs lead to some “bill shock”, to put it mildly. 

We spoke to Danny who was beginning to feel his 3-month long winning streak was too good to be true. Life was just going too well. He told us,

“Yeah, life was going pretty sweet. We’d just returned from a little trip over east. I shaved 3 strokes off my game and the boss at work I hate got dismissed for getting Buswelled at the X-mas do. Why did I think that would last. Why did I think life would let me be happy?”

His emotionless face turned even colder as he picked up a bill sitting next to him. He continued,

“$1200. Electricity bill. Last summer was like $750. Minutes before getting this email my best mate asked me to be his best man at a wedding. The cosmos was obviously just waiting for the best moment to take a huge shit all over my happiness. Thanks, Synergy, next time buy me dinner before you pound me six ways to Sunday. 

We spoke to Christine who was still living in the $600 electricity rebate fantasy land of 2020. She told us,

“I think deep down in my heart I knew that the $600 rebate wasn’t going to last forever. If only I could go back and make some changes. Running my aircon while I was out so I returned to a cool home was probably a mistake but jeez Synergy, could you have used a bit of KY?”

Even the State’s most avid solar panellists were feeling like a piece of warmed-up meat after receiving their bill. With Tom telling us,

“What happened to good ol fashion romance, Synergy? I feel like I got boofed from arse hole to breakfast time without even a piece of toast! One day I’m living on a solar panel easy streak and the next I’m paying a $700 bill like some coal-dependent pleb. This isn’t right”

Synergy have denied they are unceremonious lovers with a spokesperson telling The Times,

“We’re all in this together. You understand some feel like they got bent over the barrel without even the courtesy of a Zinger Box beforehand. We are listening, we care. Just pay your bill within the time stipulated or we’ll ruin your credit history. Remember, we are in this together”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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