Gazing nonchalantly at his novelty weather app, Simmo from Kwinana allegedly told a mate he “didn’t give a shit” about the forecasted rain this week.

While most of Perth struggles to deal with the reality of a slightly more wintery winter than past winters, Simmo had full confidence in his Surfer joes, “why yous reckon I bought these bad boys?“, he slurred while gesturing aggressively at his all terrain, all weather thongs.

In his words,

“they are like a pair of boats for me feet, mate. Deadset, I reckon I could water ski with these. I used to just rock the standard double pluggers but you realise that you have to stand for something in this loife, ay, or yas will fall for anything”

Indeed, Simmo hasn’t veered from his usual winter fashion for over a decade- an Alinta Gas fleece he stole from his uncle in ’93, a Peel Thunder beanie, Big W trackies and, of course, a pair of Surfer Joes braving their 8th season with Simmo.

His grizzled hoofs no longer feel the fluctuations of temperature and the only time he’ll wear a pair of shoes is “over me dead body”. A fact his Albany de facto knows all too well after having to be walked down the aisle at Emu Point in the middle of the ’09 winter.

Speaking to lovely Lorraine, she told The Bell Tower Times,

“He didn’t want to risk some “silverspoon function carnt” telling him he needed so-called enclosed footwear to get a can of Jimmy from the bar, safer to have it on the beach, he reckoned”

Simmo has no regrets however telling us,

“You don’t invest in a pair of Surfer Joes and go back to wearing shoes, mate, it’s a lifetime commitment, until death do me part, just like the vowels I done at the weddo”

Asked if he was concerned with the recent deluges causing flooding, Simmo took a low draw of his White Ox rollie, looked down at his thongs and told us,

“Mate, trust the hardware, trust the hardware”.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?