Toey Tradie 6 Pints Deep, Thinking Real Hard About Starting Up A COVID Cluster

After a hard day of job dodging on-site, Trav settled into a local front bar to destroy some froffs and have a punt on the horses. As he tends to do. 

As fate would have it, he came through with a big win just as he settled into his 6th pint of Biggie Juice – the highest alcohol % beer he could get. 

He was half a stack up and drunk enough to no longer even pretend he was washing his hands after his habitual pissing. Life was going pretty well for Trav. 

Alas, after catching a glimpse of the bar chick’s cleavage as she leaned across the bar, Trav realised he had other urges. Primal urges. 

Perhaps 2-pint Trav would’ve been able to resist and just go home for some aggressive jackhammering self-care but 6-pint Trav is a different beast. 

His mate told The Bell Tower Times,

“Trav bailed me up in the toilets and told me he got a real urge to pop down to the local massage joint to engage in some activity the contact tracers will never know about”

Looking slightly pissed off, he continued, 

“I asked if he could shout me a quicky, told him I’d love to be part of his cluster but he reckons he had to keep some of his winnings for a bag to get through tomorrow. He never lets me be part of a cluster”

We spoke to Trav who was smiling far too much after walking out the door of a “massage” joint. He told us,

“Let’s just say she could’ve been on the other side of the building and ‘social distancing’ would’ve been impossible, bloke. I was a raging bull. Forget hand washing, you’ll need the pressure washer to get rid of that cluster I just incubated on the roof ha ha ha”

Say what you will about Trav and his COVID safe practises but at least he’s helped us experience a soft opening before the 5th of February. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?