WA Footy Fans Prepare For a Pleasant Coupla Days Of Tearing Each Other A New One

There’s nothing quite like the atmosphere before a Western Derby. A time when fully grown adults spend the days leading up to the game relentlessly arguing in that over-the-top fashion footy nuffies are so famous for. 

Daz has cleared his schedule from tonight. Telling his family that he’ll be emotionally distant for the next few days as he patrols the usual sports reporting slop on FB for any chance to get into a fight with a stranger. 

Daz told The Bell Tower Times,

“I bleed purple bud and to be honest not every Docker game fills the empty void in my heart, so I make up for that by getting really intense on the internet. Kinda makes me feel like I’m personally invested in the team rather than just some bozo who watches sport”

Indeed, just a few hours ago, Daz was goading an Eagles supporter to tell him where he works so he could come around and give him an Oscar for most swollen lip. 

We tracked down the Eagles fan, Brian, who was admittedly goading Daz,

“You hear about women having iron deficiencies well Dockers fans have SILVER deficiencies – ha ha get it, silverware? Trophies? That joke slays every time. See, I consider it my duty in life to remind anyone wearing purple of their teams record of success. Especially around Derby time. Daz is just a snowflake who can’t handle the truth”

As it turns out, Brain wasn’t kidding about his sense of duty. In fact, he’s such an insufferable blowhard that his work had strategically let him work from home this week to avoid his in-your-face brand of fanaticism.

We spoke to a more casual Dockers fan who made the mistake of wading into a Twitter argument about which team was going to win. 

“I’m new to Twitter and thought everyone was just up for a bit of a laugh. I just said that maybe we should be playing down at South Freo oval to make whichever WAFL players that will inevitably be dragged in feel at home. I didn’t expect the backlash”

No he didn’t. What followed was several days of hounding by sports fans who inexplicably let their passion for footy alienate themselves from polite society. 

The raging tempest of hate is expected to last until at least mid next week. Given that the outcome of Sundays game will no doubt be the subject of a lot of anger for one or both sides. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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