A Western Australian man has gone above and beyond to make sure he nails his phone call to work on Friday morning to chuck his planned sickie.
For Damo, the stakes couldn’t be higher. Not only has he booked a holiday down south but his reputation precedes him as one of the slackest sacks of shit employed at the office. To say he needs to put in an Oscar-winning performance is no understatement.
With both his weekend plans and job on the line, Damo enrolled in a 2-day basics of acting course online where he hoped to learn some subtle nuances to pull off the grand ruse. He told The Times,
“I haven’t got much acting experience. Was an extra in a school play once. I just wanted to learn how to strike the balance between believable and putting it on. I really want this 5 day long weekend bro”
We can report that the acting coach was taken aback when Damo interrupted the introductory lesson over Zoom to ask, “how would someone with a pretty crook case of the shits or head cold sound over the phone at 8 am?”
The acting coach told The Times,
“It became abundantly clear that Damian wasn’t a thespian in training. He had no interest in the art of acting. He just wanted to know how to become, in his words, Daniel Day Flue-is”
After several more introductory units, Damo straight up told the acting coach he’ll pay more if they just focus on his very specific acting requirement. They proceeded to rehearse the sickie call for 3 hours straight.
While initially unimpressed, the acting coach really came round to Damo, calling him “Shakespearean” in his dramatic effect. Nevertheless, had grave concerns about the planned call. Adding,
“Oh, he’s definitely going to overdo it – he keeps trying to incorporate painful sobbing and anguished grunts into his spiel. It’s the shits, mate, you haven’t got monkey pox”
As a parting thought, the acting coach told The Times,
“I just suggested getting a doctor’s note but he said there is no chance he’s wasting a single minute of his 5 day long weekend waiting to be seen”
Good luck Damo, you will certainly need it.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?