Nabbing WA rental market has never been tighter. So you’ll need to bow at the altar of the church of landlords to get over the line. Here are some hot tips to help you succeed at your next viewing.
Moo for them – moo for them like the good little cash cow you are. Think of it like you are having a day out in Cowaramup and head to the rental inspection mooing your little heart out. Make sure the property manager records good footage of the acceptance of your relationship with your prospective landlord.
Cradle them tenderly and tell them it’s unfair to expect rent to go down if interest rates do – put in a formal offer to meet the landlord face to face and cradle them in your desperate, poor arms. Tell the property manager you just want to hold them and tell them it’s alright to never intend on lowering rent when the interest rates drop and that you accept them jacking it up the wazoo when the rates rise. Give them a tender kiss.
Demonstrate a willingness to live without plumbing, power or roofing for extended periods – you know what unites property managers and landlords? Having to take action on repairs that may need to be undertaken. Write a comprehensive cover letter about how you’re “keen” to live in a rental that resembles an episode of Survivor. Even offer to sign a waiver relieving them of the duty to maintain a safe living environment!
Open door policy – put it in writing that you don’t need to bother with silly things like periodic inspections because the door is always open to them. Whether you are there or not! Landlords will love this extra freedom you are granting them.
Pay 5 years upfront for a 1-year tenancy – this is a no-brainer and it’s the lease you peasants can do to demonstrate your worth to the noble land baron taking a chance on you. Sure it doesn’t bode well for your ability to save for a house but that’s ok because it’ll help your landlord buy another and isn’t that what the rental market is all about?
Sign a blank condition report – this will really put a smile on the landlord’s dial. Say you want to enter this tenancy under a mutual understanding of trust and goodwill and you’ll happily sign a blank condition report and let them fill it with photos and shit later. It shows you are a team player!
Offer them 5 exciting projects they can use your bond for – speaking of getting absolutely reamed for your bond. How about taking out some of the guesswork for the landlord and suggesting some exciting projects your $2400 could be used for? Get some quotes on paint jobs or new tiling. Be proactive, pleb!
Video of you executing your beloved pets – another no-brainer. It’s not enough to simply promise you won’t bring your beloved pet into the house. They need proof. So take your beloved fury baby out to the pasture and do what needs to be done. Video it all and show the landlord you are permanently separated from the pet. Think of their carpets!
Offer the landlord a second room to stash their shit in – one thing landlords LOVE doing is making you pay for an entire property but having a couple of areas for their shit. Commonly, the shed but why not be a real suckhole and offer up one of the bedrooms? Your two teenage boys can share a room! Hope there isn’t any friendly fire with those late-night hormone flare ups though.
There you have it, you’ll be taming the WA rental market in no time!
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