West Coast Fan Feels Alive For The First Time In Months 

After two and a half months to be accurate, Dan has finally given himself permission to shine. Finally awoken from the footy-induced sadness that has burdened his every thought since April.

Seeing the Eagles win has awakened a primal fire in the boy. A fire that he thought was long since extinguished. He told The Times,

“Yeah, the haters will say it was just Essendon but we can’t exactly be picky at the moment. I’m still hard by the way. Like a rock. Touch it”

As the match went on he got harder and harder, elaborating on his feeling,

“They cracked over 100! Kennedy back to his best! Man I think I need a moment in the toilet alone. Can you just piss off for a minute???”

The joy felt over the victory was so profound that Dan forgot he was lowkey supporting Freo for the last 9 weeks. A distant, dirty memory that’d he’d rather forget. 

Dan was so reborn in hope that he even toyed with the possibilities of a West Coast 2025 tattoo on his leg. His partner told The Times,

“He said that this was proof the rebuild is under way and they’ll be holding the silverware by 2025. No question about it. He even worked up the motivation to shower. He was getting pretty damn stinky”

Showers are just the beginning for Dan though. He’s also dusted off his Eagles lanyard that he’d previously banished to the darkest recesses of his draw. 

“I think this is a major turning point in the season. You’re dealing with a culture of winning and excellence. Compare that to Flagmantle that has never tasted the fizzy joy of victory poured right from the cup”

Everyone around the man is advised to just let him enjoy it. Just let it happen. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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