The Albanese Government has rolled out a range of measures to combat the ever-burgeoning cost of living allegedly caused by the Iran war.
Punters will soon be able to put lower quality fuel into their cars as well as early access to superannuation so they can invest in Easter.
We spoke to a source close to the Government who said allowing early access to super for Easter was a no brainer given the ultimate pointlessness of it all. Adding,
“Let’s face it, even if we let you withdraw Super to buy a house, you’d fall well short in this market. Also, retirement is now a mythical concept, you’ll be working until you’re 90 anyway. So may as well withdraw all you have and buy a few Easter eggs, a tank of fuel and maybe half a trolley full of groceries. A leg of lamb if you’re lucky”
Under the new law, Australians will be able to withdraw their entire Super sum provided they keep the receipts to prove it was for Easter related frivolities.
We spoke to a family who said the several 100 thousand boost was helpful but probably not enough. Adding,
“I told the kids we’re having roost chook this year. Sadly, their mother’s fund is a little low because she took time out to raise the little cunnys, so yeah, we couldn’t exactly afford lamb or Lindt Bunnies. I reckon it’ll set us back a bit in life but what is life without overextending oneself at Easter?”
It’s a fair point.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?