Coles have dropped a bombshell defence of their scummy business practices at the ACCC hearing this week.
When asked why they continually tricked consumers into thinking their specials weren’t steaming piles of deceptive bullshit, they said,
“All our efforts are in creating the most heavily surveilled hellscape of a shopping space we can. We want to engineer the type of big brother vibe that even the NSA would say is going a little far”
Indeed, all their resources are tied up in developing new cameras and ways to make their customers feel like criminals before even walking out the door.
Given this dedication of resource, Coles’ argued that there was simply no way of making sure the $4.50 special wasn’t actually available for $3 a few weeks ago before they jacked it up to $6.50 and then offered it at a “discount”.
The ACCC then heard Coles’ master vision to develop a sort of “Minority Report” style camera that can detect self service checkout thieves days before they have even committed the brown onion crime.
Clearly, Coles has bigger fish to fry than specials.
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