Western Australia has responded to the developing heatwave situation in the UK by sending the best of the best of our underground miners to give the country some perspective.
Parts of the UK are expected to hit 41 degrees during the week and WA believes its patented Pilbara “have a glass of concrete” method to heat management could benefit the citizens.
We spoke to the organiser of the mission who said he’d hand-picked the miners from an elite crew of blowhards who sit in an airconditioned donga all day. He told The Times,
“How do you think Perth gets through its scorching summers? It’s constantly being reminded that any discomfort they feel is fark all compared to the 80 hour days some miners are smashing in 65 degree heat. In the shade. We’d all melt otherwise”
55 year old site coordinator and dripping lump of shit Ken will lead the charge and he couldn’t be happier to offer aid to his international brothers & sisters. Telling The Times,
“41? Not even shorts weather. Me team and I will be drifting through city centres calling people princesses and softcocks for passing out in the heat”
Ken also said he had been given special permission to ride in an ambulance to assure anyone thinking of suffering heat stroke that he’d kick them off his mine site if they even thought about falling ill in such pissant weather.
According to sources the UK is thrilled with the assistance and thinks it will go a long way to solving the crisis they are facing. A senior English Minister told The Times,
“Our citizens need to get the idea of subjective experience out of their minds. If this big burly bloke is telling you it’s not hot then it’s not hot. Henceforth, no heatwave and no national emergency”
The squad is expected to land in London today to begin their tour of the UK. Lucky them is all we can say.
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