The tracks on the new Yanchep Line have spontaneously combusted under the pressure of actually transporting passengers today ahead of the first day of the Ashes test.
Almost the entire population of Yanchep, Aglinton and Alkimos sought to board the train today en route to Perth Stadium.
For a train line that typically sees about 1 – 3 outer suburban eshays per day, it was quite overwhelming. With a witness telling The Times,
“It was pretty horrific, imagine several train cars full of English cricket fans expelling the gas caused by eating a double full English brekkie in preparation for day of getting absolutely steaming in the sun”
That’s when the chanting started. Oh, lord, the chanting. A witness told The Times,
“They (Barmy Army) began chanting about how Australian trains are rubbish and how line closures are so much better on the tube, innit”
No need to fear however. Given the danger posed to TransPerth personnel over English cricket fan exposure, a crack team of engineers was sent out post haste.
While the tracks are now reinforced just enough, it’s expected the damage caused to the lines will require several years of works after the Ashes concludes.
This is good news for the general public who are advised to get just through the next 3-5 days and then they won’t have to rub shoulders with the English expats again for quite some time.
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