A young couple has been left shocked after hearing their newborn child “categorically” rejects all claims that he chose them following a social media post that in the infant’s eyes made them all look like a pack of tools.
In the heartfelt, cliche post, Michelle & Tom posed with their child in the hospital room and thanked him for choosing them as his parents.
Regrettably, the post went on to claim that they were all deeply in love. Another claim rejected by the infant if this is the kinda shit they are going to post to social media. A spokesperson for the infant told The Times,
“Little Bailey would like to set the record straight. He had no role in which nut-tadpole won the race and would most certainly have thrown the contest if he knew his parents were going to be the type to say that kinda shit”
It couldn’t be easy hearing this from your infant but he wasn’t pulling any punches. His spokesperson continued,
“Furthermore, on the allegations he is in love with these people, well, let’s just take it one step at a time shall we? Imagine living next to the most annoying neighbours for 9 months and then finally meeting them. Including hearing them plan a fkn gender reveal party. You wouldn’t be so quick to through around the L-bomb, would ya?”
Going forward, the baby Bailey is keen to accept milk and keep his folks up for the foreseeable future as a show of goodwill and biological dependence. However, he has a stern warning,
“Bailey says that the social media baby shit stops now. He will not be a pawn in their parent-influencer game and reserves his rights to seek more suitable lodgings”
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
