Engineers are working around the clock to restore Perth Stadium back to its pre-Ashes glory after the tears of the English cricket fans ran an absolute corrosion train on it.
Going by an early report, the damage caused specifically by the Barmy Army tears will cost significantly more than they injected into the WA economy. Not a great ROI, if you ask me.
In the shambolic two day test, the stadium’s infrastructure was subjected to both teams’ salty anguish but the flood of facial precipitation truly began when England blew their seemingly unlosable position on the 2nd day.
After the English batters capitulated, Travis Head stepped up as opener to serve up one of the finest 100s of his career. Often utilising England’s patented “Bazball” style against them.
This, naturally, was hard to take from the sunburn, drunken fanbase. With one fan saying,
“I’ve come all the bloody way to Perth just to be sat here watching this shite! I don’t know how but the Aussies have clearly cheated!”
The tears flowed freely as the visitors came to terms with the fact they were defeated after just two days. Of course, Aussies weren’t without their own tears, with one fan telling The Times,
“Two fkn days? Do you realise how much heavylifting test cricket does in my social life this time of year? I had the next 1.5 days at least written off to sit in front of my TV not blinking and sucking down tins of sherbert, in many ways, England robbed that from me”
However, some are saying that taking Perth Stadium out is the moral victory England were after. There is always two sides to a coin.
While this is extraordinarily funny for the Aussies, please take a moment to think about all the Perth hospo staff that will have to put up with the huge influx of English tourists for the remainder of the week and week.