The English blowhard has praised the alluring pull of the toilet for helping England into a commanding second-day position.
As the story goes, Usman Khawaja was not permitted to open the batting due to, no small part, to having to drop some kind of monster shit.
This lead to the opener not being out on the ground for enough minutes thus having to bat lower down the order.
It was clear from the collapse that this rattled the Aussies and all the smugness over skittling England for just 172 slowly drained away into the clogged bowl of Usman’s preparation.
While the Aussies are trying to shift the blame onto toilet breaks AND stretching, anyone who has lost themselves to the great tradition of sitting on the toilet while you’re meant to be doing your job can sympathise.
To gauge the public’s response, we spoke to a low level office drone who conceded he understood where Usman was coming from and accepted it. Adding,
“If I could get paid as much as Usman did to lay some poorly timed cable I’d be right there. I’ve job dodged on the shitter since the Angry Bird years and with each mobile game that is released my resolve only strengthens”
Mixed feelings about day 1, no doubt.