The President of Peace aka the Rapid Oompa Loompa King has claimed another negotiation victory today declaring a ceasefire between the SOR Perth suburbs of Thornlie and Maddington.
In a statement provided exclusively to The Times, Trump said,
“Thornlie and Maddington came to me wanting to make a deal, and I told them, I know how to make a deal, everyone always tells me that, Mr Trump you know how to make a deal and I did! Thornlie and Maddo have never known peace like this! Tremendous peace! Those losers over in Gosnells will be asking what about us!”
Historically, the neighbourhoods never saw eye to eye and the City of Gosnells was forced to step in and create a demilitarised zone between the suburbs in an overpass.
Naturally, combatants from both sides have failed to respect the rules of engagement and the burbs very much remain mortal enemies. Even in the tunnel of truce. We spoke to a Maddo boy who said Trump was full of shit, adding,
“No one told me about the ceasefire. I’ll still victimise a Thornlie resident every chance I get. They have always been jealous of Maddo Central. Show us ya Kmart Thornlie ya fucks!”
Likewise, a Thornlie cretin said Maddo scum were always sniffing around their Spudshed. Trying to snare up cheap produce intended for Thornlians. Adding,
“How am I meant to call a Maddo boy my brother if they are taking food out of our mouths. They have a big fancy shopping centre how about they use that and leave us alone? Stop taking our spuds and stay out of Lakers, build your own tav you mongrels”
Well it doesn’t sound like much peace has been brokered yet. Trump, sort it out would ya!
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?