Woolworths has spent billions of dollars inventing new cameras that are straight out of a sci-fi thrilling featuring everyone’s favourite stunt-lovin’, couch jumpin’ lunatic Tom Cruise.
The technology allows the Woolworths Corporation to catch you stealing items via the usual methods before you’ve even done it.
How do they work? Well once you enter a Woolworths store they now have you in their system. You don’t even need to be at the checkout trying to pull off a grand ruse. As their technology can alert them to when you next plan to leave your house and that’s where they’ll get you.
We spoke to an industry insider who told The Times they cameras were creating quite a hype in the retail sector. Adding,
“Imagine you are a shareholder and are living next to some battler who thinks he can just help himself to your profits. Well, now imagine the Woolworths Loss Prevention Unit bashing in that pleb’s door at 3 am and making a citizens arrest for it a whole 24 hours before the crime even was going to happen!”
Some have accused Woolworths of spending way too much money on loss prevention when surely some of that could be spent on creating a fair and equitable supermarket where people don’t need to steal.
Our source said that Woolworths essentially considers everyone who enters their store a criminal and as such won’t be extending them any pleasantries.
Sounds about right.
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