Woolworths has responded to the public outrage over Easter chocolate prices by rolling out a high interest 12-month payment plan for anyone wanting to purchase a bunny.
In true Woolworths style, the finance section will be a self-service kiosk much like you scan your brown onions at.
After a quick credit check, Woolworths will loan you the money for a chocolate bunny or egg and you can select 6, 12 or 24 months to pay it back. An insider told The Times,
“It’s about making sure people fall awfully in debt so they can experience the most basic slice of fkn joy at a time traditionally when joy is present. That’s the Woolworths promise”
If you fail their credit check please do not despair as they are accepting an arm or a leg as collateral. However, don’t try to appeal to their merciful side when they come to collect, in the words of a top insider,
“Oh, Woolies will be around the very morning you default and they won’t be leaving without their limb. Look what they do to salt of the Earth farmers and primary producers, you are nothing to them but that juicy leg will sell for at least $39 a kilo”
No doubt Coles will match the offer. Can’t be letting Woolies have all the fun!
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?