The area north and south of the amphitheatre are to be redeveloped. The area to the north is for a public space while the area to the south is for commercial purposes. Although the City of Stirling has made it clear it won’t be entertaining nightclubs. Here are some options…
1. A Turbo pit
A safe place for turbos to staunch each other after they are kicked out of The Lookout. Throw in some weights equipment so they can discuss each other’s juice cycles and parents can take their kids down to show them exactly what they don’t want to end up like.
2. Culture Kings
Some would argue this would attract eshays while realists say you’re going to get eshays anyway so you may as well lure them to one spot the rest of us can avoid happily. Culture Kings is the gold standard for this noble goal.
3. Quarantined “zone of influence”
Have you ever been at Scabs and thought, “I wish there were more influencers, run clubbers and content creators glaring at me for disturbing their filming?”
No? Funny that, get them all in a cage with ring lights or whatever, just stay away from us.
4. Locals only hangout
Private school boys cosplaying as Bra Boys matter too! Sure their folks have $3M properties but that doesn’t mean they didn’t face adversity. Some of them can’t even remember where they left their Gatorade bottle in the dunes.
If it wasn’t for adhering to the strict rules of the beachgang subculture they may’ve gone off the rails and ended up at Churchlands High!
5. Prado send-it area
Getting bogged on Scarborough Beach is a rite of passage for Toyota drivers so it’d be rude not to give them a nice little play area for them to practice for their big moment when they wanna show off their skills to a packed beach in summer. All 4WDs are welcome.
6. Christ the Redeemer Statue
It’s about time Scarborough acknowledged it was basically the 27th estados of Brazil. A giant Christ the Redeemer is only fitting and with any luck we could have our own Carnival one day.
7. FIFO recruitment hub
Mining giants know exactly where all their future Irish employees are congregating so it’d save them a lot of time. It would be an efficient pipeline and experts predict they could net 150 new traffic controllers every Sunday with ease.
8. Over 50s bar
The ageing Scarborough gentleman needs a place to go to complain about how the old Lookout was better, how no one knows how to rip right handers and how that Gen Z girl who accidently looked at him in Oceans wanted him. It’d be an excellent place for cougars to pick up some cashed-up builder with a Dodge too.
9. Viewing platform for the last available park in Scabs
This would make for great theatre. Imagine enjoying a cold one while you watch the sheer desperation of two cars jostling for that last coveted spot. It would turn full Roman before you knew it
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?