Despite its best efforts, the AFL still has a legion of fans who insist on watching the great game and it irks the living bejeezus out of them.
To combat this irritating patronisation, the AFL has routinely introduced rules that no one asked for in the hope they’d toddle off and get some NRL up them.
Alas, its work is not done. We spoke to an industry insider who said the AFL would not rest until every single fan had been alienated. Adding,
“People don’t know this but the top AFL brass get a real big stiffy when someone declares that the game is gone. Do you fans have any idea what a burden you are on the game? Frankly, the AFL hates you”
Not everyone agrees however. We spoke to one sicko who said he “froffed” constant rule changes because it gave him extra opportunity to take out his pathetic life on umpires. He told The Times,
“There’s nothing like the umpires struggling to keep on top of all the rules. Then I get to unload on them. I reckon I’m just 4 slurs away from my kids wanting to see me again ha ha”
Here are the latest rules you can salivate over pal:
- Remove the requirement for a Player to start in the Goal Square at each centre ball-up;
- Introduce a Free Kick for the last disposal Out of Bounds in between the 50m arcs;
- At all centre ball-ups, a competing Ruck cannot cross the Centre Circle line and engage with the opposition Ruck, prior to contesting the football;
- Around the ground, the Umpire may restart play without a nominated Ruck being present;
- A shrug (in a tackle) will be deemed Prior Opportunity (i.e., as an attempt to evade or fend an opponent);
- A Player must stand if they are within the Protected Area (i.e., within five metres) when a Mark or Free Kick occurs;
- Align the interpretation of ‘reasonable time’ for a Player to bring the football back into play from a Behind being scored and the time allowed for a set Kick around the ground. Currently, reasonable time for kick-ins is 12 seconds, whereas around the ground is eight (8) seconds. Players will now be allowed eight (8) seconds in both instances.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?