BREAKING: annual WA daylight saving shitfight off to a good start

Like clockwork, the WA media has whipped the howling populace into the annual DLS frenzy after news a Daylight Saving Bill has been drafted by, you guessed it, the Daylight Saving Party. 

The annual pot-stirring attracts so much heated debate that it’s basically a state sport in WA. We spoke to an anti-DLS proponent who told The Times,

“I’ve cleared my schedule for the next couple of weeks or however long they drag out the issue. I can’t function in society knowing someone on the internet has a different opinion on the daylight hours from October to March. I just can’t”

Similarly, we caught up with a pro-DLS proponent who admits he hasn’t thought about the issue since it was brought up last year but has remembered how passionate he is about it, telling The Times,

“Yeah, I dunno if it’s an issue burning a hole through many people’s brains but when it comes up I start raging mate. I’ve responded to every single media post about it. It really ruins my productivity if I’m honest”

Yes, the rivalry is intense and as a recent case, this morning proved. A local keyboard warrior didn’t take kindly to being accused of believing his curtains would fade. A witness to the argument told The Times,

“It started off like you’d expect. Breeders whining about their kids going to bed and a fun-loving type wanting more daylight when he got home from work. Then it took a bit of a turn for the worse”

An anti-DLS enthusiast who more widely identifies as anti-change took great offence to the insinuation his position wasn’t nuanced. Barbs were exchanged and the punter tracked down the employment info of a bloke he was arguing with. 

We spoke to the man who poked the wrong bear. He told The Times,

“Yeah, I was arguing with this dickbrain, and the next thing I know the receptionist rings through telling me there’s a bloke wanting to see me in the lobby. Said he had a delivery of fresh sunlight for me”

We understand the man was dragged out of the building screaming about referendums, history, and wanting to throatpunch anyone who even suggested we wind those clocks back. 

We can only hope the annual shitstorm blows over soon. 

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