A Ford Ranger driver has declared himself perfect in every way and when the clock hits 12:01, the man has resolved to change absolutely nothing about himself or his driving behaviour.
Speaking to The Times, Rageson said that he’d struck the perfect balance when it came to motoring. Adding,
“If I tone anything done then cunnys on the road won’t know who they are fkn with, right? And if I step it up a notch, the cops will eventually get me, I reckon I’m at a level of perfection few can achieve”
Accordingly, Rageson has committed to maintaining a minimum of 10 cut offs a day and a maximum of 15. He will also continue to block any attempts to overtake him when he slows down to load up his glass recorder.
All other times will be spent driving so far up someone’s arse he’s counting their corn kernels.
He has vowed to continue to take up 4 parking bays especially when it’s busy. In fact, some say his work during the Xmas shopping season this year was truly sublime with no disability bay going undefiled.
He will almost certainly continue to park so he takes up 2 separate petrol pump stations and then faff about cleaning his windscreen, checking his water etc, until someone beeps him and that’s when Rageson really shines. He told The Times,
“If ya don’t want to wait 15 minutes for me to stop blocking the pumps then you’ve got a problem mate, and I’ll be happy to solve it for ya”
It’s sounding like a big 2026 for the big man.
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