Ms Anti-Vaccine (Bogan)

Living under a dumb-cunt rock her whole life, Karen was never fully equipped to wrap her head around the complexities of vaccine science. Karen’s life views are warped by a tinge of crazy, the sort of crazy you see from an American chanting at a freedom rally. She simply will not entertain the notion that the delivery of a deactivated virus can have any long-term health benefits. In her words, “there is nothing a vaccine can do that a healing crystal cant”. Fucking oath Karen.

Karen scoffs at a letter she received from her children’s school, “can you believe they want to inject our children with Autism Rodney?” Rodney is so outraged he accidentally ashes some of his cigarettes into his 11am Wild Turkey & Coke. “They should keep their sticky beaks outta our business Kaz, my school never tried that shit”. Good point Rodney, although, you were homeschooled by your “prepare for Y2K” parents. Karen chows down on half a Big Mac she’d forgotten to eat from last night, “I’m going down there and giving ‘em a spray!”

Karen jumps in her car and drives 100m down the road to get to her children’s school. She rampages into the administration office like a McMuffin-focused Gina Rinehart at 10:29am. She spots the vice principal and goes in for the kill. “Don’t you be filling my kids head with lies, the bloody preservatives in vaccines are toxic!” The vice principal takes a deep breath, “look I am no expert, but contemporary medical advice recommends vaccinating children”. Karen starts frothing and foaming, “look, mister, doctors once thought the Earth was square! Keep those syringes full of bacteria and AIDS away from my kids”. It all makes sense, Karen is the Galileo of reckless parenting.

Today’s confrontation has left Karen feeling enraged. She sits on her computer and gets to work smashing a 2L bottle of Pepsi Max. She posts a poorly worded rant to her Facebook:

“LISTEN!!! My kids my choicessd, keepe yore MERCURY injections away or else. No one’s business except mine and Rodneys. SO ANGRY!”

Karen’s friend has had enough and points out that her choice to not vaccinate her children actually puts other children at risk. Waving the red flag of logic in front of a bucking bull of ignorance is a dangerous move. Karen hammers her keyboard only stopping to ensure her mouth is stuffed with cheese & bacon balls. She is plagiarising her arguments from an X-Files hacker wannabe who wrote his website in comic sans and repeatedly warns of a One World Government. She makes a fool of herself.

As flu season approaches, Karen’s child can rest easy, her healing crystals are giving off a particularly strong aura, and she just imported some anti-influenza incense that will undoubtedly ward off the nasty little buggers. All is safe in Karen’s Willy Wonka fantasy land.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?


Related Content